Her Smile
by WitchGirl
Summary: Lucy’s crisis turns into the most traumatic thing in her life (set before Valentine’s day) R/R! Saddest thing I've done I think, and those of you who know, that's saying something!
1. Skeletons In The Closet

Her Smile  
  
Summary: Lucy's crisis turns into the most traumatic thing in her life (before Valentine's day)  
  
A/N: I found that Kellie Martin's sister, died of Lupus about a year ago. This is dedicated to her and the Martin family. The poem, also mine, was written for Kellie and Heather Martin.  
  
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She dried your tears  
With gentle care  
Whenever you needed her  
She was always there  
Through the laughter  
Through the tears  
Together you made it through  
Those awful years  
And the thing  
You remember most  
Was her gentle smile  
But even that memory's a ghost  
When she left  
So did a part of you  
'She was rock of the family'  
But she still lives inside of you  
And the thing you remember  
All the while  
Was her laughter  
And her sweet smile  
And she'd want you to remember  
Her for who she was  
She loves you still  
And you love her always  
So the thing you will always remember  
Is the way she made you smile  
With her laughter, with her kindness  
And with her loving smile.  
  
"My sister, Heather, and I have always been best friends. I saw her take her first step, and she watched me ride a bike for the first time. We waited together on the corner after school for the ice cream man. I never missed her basketball games, and she always watched the shows I worked on. We went through our parents' divorce, and after that we thought we could get through anything, as long as we were together. For 19 years, I watched my little sister, Heather, grow into a beautiful woman. I was there when she was born, and I was there when she died." ~ Kellie Martin.  
  
"Look, Carter! Frankly, I don't give a damn about- hold on!" Lucy sighed and reluctantly answered her phone, "Lucy Knight," from there on, everything seemed to go in slow motion. Carter watched, curiously as Lucy's blue, frustrated eyes grew to at least twice their normal size and filled with horror. The phone seemed to fall slowly from her fingers to the floor as she gasped. Everything sped up as Lucy dived for her phone again.  
"Yes, yes, I'm here, Mom. I- I'll be right there," she whispered, still sitting on the floor, her long blond hair all over her face. She blew a strand away from her eyes and stood up to face Carter again, "There's... A family emergency. I... I have to go," she said, very quietly. She seemed to have forgotten the fight she and Carter had just been having. And without waiting for an answer, she walked swiftly past him, her eyes glazed over as if she were in a trance. She kept shaking her head and soon, she broke into a run and disappeared out the ambulance bay doors.  
"Where's she going?" Dave asked as he watched her leave.  
"Dunno. Said it was a family emergency."  
"Eh, that's what they all say. I surprised you let her go," Dave shrugged.  
"I didn't," Carter whispered, still watching after her, "She wouldn't let me reply."  
  
"Look, that's no flue, doctor," Lucy shook her head at the man.  
"Heather will be fine, Lucy! I've prescribed her some Compazine. She will recover in a few days."  
"Can't you see what's happening?" Lucy demanded, "My sister has abdominal pain, fever, insomnia *and* nausea! No anti-nausea medication will make all that go away!"  
"Lucy you are overreacting! You are just a young med. student! I am an actual doctor!" he told her.  
"Are you discriminating against me because of my rank, Dr. Carlyle? Because I know just as much about medicine as you do," Lucy was mad.  
"Yelling at me won't help to get your sister better! Now, I don't know why your mother called you, but you can go back to work."  
"She called *me* because she doesn't trust *you!* She wants me to look at Heather-"  
"And I find that unnecessary. If her condition worsens, then maybe you should look at her."  
"I am going in to see my sister now!" Lucy told him and walked past him into the exam room.  
"Hey," her sister smiled weakly. Lucy loved it when she smiled. It always cheered her up.  
"Hi, Heather."  
"They say it's just the flue," she was being strong, though Lucy could tell it was an act. Heather didn't believe the doctor either.  
"Yeah," Lucy smiled back at her sister, "Just the flue."  
  
Lucy was up with Heather all night in Heather's room laughing and exchanging stories.  
"I miss this," Heather told Lucy, honestly.  
"So do I," Lucy replied, "We used to do this all the time. I remember, whenever I had a nightmare, it was your bed I climbed into, not Mom's. Because, although you are younger than me, you were never afraid of anything. Ever. And you always seemed like you were older than me."  
"And when you couldn't get back to sleep, I'd stay up with you and we'd tell jokes and things all night long. Like we're doing now," Heather sighed. Her voice was sad and weak, the usual joyful, fun tone almost out of it completely.  
"I'm really sorry you can't get to sleep, Heather," Lucy sighed, "You need your rest. We shouldn't be up this late with you sick and all. The... Flue can be pretty bad," Lucy called it the flue. She knew it wasn't the flue, but she couldn't run any tests to find out what it really was and she knew Dr. Carlyle wouldn't listen to her. Carlyle disliked Lucy as much as Lucy disliked him.  
"I know, I just can't, Lucy. You don't understand," Heather's voice was painful, "I always have this pain, whether it be my stomach or my head. And I'm always so hot and sticky. And when I do get to sleep, it's not usually very restful. And I'll just get up an hour later to puke!" tears began to stream down Heather's face.  
"I know, honey, I know," Lucy said, taking her sister in her arms, "Everything will be OK, Heather, I promise. We'll get through this, just like we got through everything else."  
  
Hand on her head, Lucy entered the ER again. She pushed back her hair, wearily. She let out a little moan as she crossed her arms on the admit desk and laid her head on them.  
"Hey, I think Lucy's dead," Jerry whispered.  
"Lucy, get up. You don't want Carter to find you like that, do you?" Chuny shook her.  
"No, Mom, I don't wanna go to school today..."  
"She's out," Chuny told Jerry.  
"Wonder why she's so tired. It's not like she was on yesterday," Jerry lifted Lucy's wrist, then let it drop to the desk again.  
"Yeah, she took some time off. Family thing, I think she said," Dave said as he passed.  
"What family thing?" Randi's interest got the better of her, "Did someone die or something?"  
"Hey, how should I know?" Dave asked, "I don't keep track of Lucy 24/7!"  
"Maybe you should! What's she doing sleeping?"  
"Uh oh," Chuny muttered as Carter saw Lucy asleep, "OK, rise and shine!" he clapped his hands but she did nothing. He looked at her, puzzled.  
"She's dead!" Jerry said again, "I said that the first time she collapsed."  
"OK, Luce, you have a job to do, remember? Hm..." Carter thought, "Maybe she should take the day off today. She could be sick."  
"But she took yesterday off! And the day before that!" Chuny told him, "Remember?"  
"Yeah, but whatever she did yesterday, it doesn't look like she recovered." Carter answered.  
"It's nothing a little coffee can't cure!" Jerry said.  
"No... No more coffee..." Lucy muttered.  
"OK, girl, it's about time!" Carter sighed as Lucy began to stir and open her eyes slightly. She blinked a couple times then sat straight up, eyes wide open.  
"Carter!" she declared, shocked, "I- I'm sorry, I didn't get a whole lot of sleep for the past few days. I was just a little tired, that's all!"  
"Whoa, Lucy, calm down!" Carter grabbed her shoulders, "It's OK! We all fall asleep sometimes during our shifts! Relax!"  
"I can't!" Lucy moaned. She blinked, "I mean, sure, I can relax!"  
"Luce, is something wrong?" Carter asked, noticing something in Lucy's voice.  
"You know me too well," she muttered.  
"What?"  
"Nothing."  
"Hey Lucy!" Randi called. Lucy spun around.  
"What?"  
"What were you doing the past few days?"  
"I went to see my sister," Lucy shouted, "Is that a problem?" Elizabeth stopped, while passing and hearing Lucy's screams. Lucy let out a frustrated sigh, picked up a chart without seeing it, and walked away.  
"Gee, I was just curious. A simple 'nothing,' would have suffice."  
"Hm..." Elizabeth said, puzzled.  
  
"Nausea and abdominal,"-yawn-"pain, huh?"  
"And she won't sleep," the woman added. Lucy looked past her to the girl on the bed and nodded.  
"We can run some tests. Does she have a fever?"  
"Sometimes," Lucy's phone was ringing again. Elizabeth looked in as she passed and saw Lucy answer the phone.  
"Lucy," Lucy said. There was someone speaking on the other end. Lucy nodded, "I'll be right there," she hung up, "Mrs. Bartlet, I'm afraid I have to go. Dr. Carter will take it from here," Lucy left the room. As she did, she passed Elizabeth and muttered a quick hi.  
"Lucy, is there something wrong?" Elizabeth asked, but Lucy shook her head.  
"But tell Carter that I'll be out for an hour or two. I'd forgotten my aunt's funeral was today," Lucy told her and left.  
"Didn't know you had an aunt, Lucy," Elizabeth sighed.  
  
Lucy held her sister's hand, sitting beside her bed in Mercy. Soon, Dr. Carlyle entered.  
"What did you give her?" she demanded.  
"I told you, we only put her on some anti-nausea medication. She had a violent allergic reaction to it."  
"Sure," Lucy muttered with bitterness.  
"Lucy, your sister began to convulse and her eyes rolled back into her sockets. She was not well, but it was just allergies, she will be fine!"  
"How do you know?"  
"It's just the flue!"  
"You keep saying that!" Lucy yelled, standing up angrily.  
"Calm down, Miss. Knight!" Carlyle tried to tell her.  
"No, I will not calm down! Any one can see that my sister is severely ill! And if you don't run any tests on her, I'll do it myself!"  
"Maybe in the future if she shows further signs of illness, but I don't think that's necessary right now. It's a waste of time and money, Miss. Knight, and I will not have that!" Just then, her mother entered. Lucy sat back down in her chair.  
"Lucy..." She sighed, tears in her eyes. Dr. Carlyle checked on Heather and left.  
"Hi mom," Lucy smiled weakly.  
"Lucy, honey... I want to move her to County," Barbara Knight told her first born. Lucy's mouth dropped.  
"County? As in Cook County General Hospital? The one I work at?" she asked. Barbara nodded. Lucy looked at her sister and squeezed her hand tighter.  
"Why, Mom?"  
"Then you could treat her and I wouldn't have to pull you away from work because you'd be working. I'd pay you."  
"But she's going home, isn't she?" Barbara shook her head.  
"Well, they're discharging her, but I want her to be in a hospital, incase something else happens."  
"Mom, nothing else will happen!" Lucy stood up, "Heather will be perfectly fine! I promise!" but even Lucy herself wasn't sure she could keep that promise. Why was she telling her mother this when she had just fought with Heather's doctor telling him that Heather was not fine? She didn't know right then. When brought to the hospital that night, Heather had only been treated for the convulsions and nothing else. Barbara sighed.  
"Fine, I will take her home."  
"If anything else does happen, call me," Lucy told her, and left.  
  
Heather didn't get better after that. She just got worse. Soon, Heather stopped eating. She had stiff joints, fatigue, and intense muscle pain as well. She was so weak, she couldn't hold a spoon. Later, she couldn't eat because she had sores in her mouth, and it hurt her too much. Two nights later, she was rushed back to the emergency room of Mercy with intense abdominal pains and severe cramping in her legs. Again, Lucy spoke to Carlyle insisting they run tests.  
"Mike Carlyle, I cannot believe what you're doing! You're killing my sister!"  
"Lucy, Heather is just having a few problems, I have given her some pain killers and I am going to send her home! I don't think she wants to be cooped up in this hospital, do you?" and he said nothing more.  
  
"Much patients?" Lucy asked, eyeing the board.  
"Not many," Haleh replied.  
"Good," Lucy sighed.  
"You aren't running off again, are you?" Carol asked, "Why do you take so much time off?"  
"That is none of your business," Lucy said, "And I'm actually staying in the hospital this time." And with that, she turned around, walked into an empty exam room and locked the door.  
"There's something wrong with that," Elizabeth said when she heard the door slam.  
"Yeah, she didn't drag Carter in there with her," Chuny grinned.  
  
Lucy curled up in the corner of the room and hugged her knees to her chest, trying to make herself as small as possible; trying to make herself as small as she felt. She felt helpless. Her mother was right, it would be better to get another doctor, but for some reason, no one was taking action. Maybe it was a good idea to move Heather to County. Lucy could keep a closer eye on things. But what would people say? Why was she so worried about what people thought? She knew that probably at this very moment, they were already starting rumors about why she had missed so much work. But Heather was her sister, and though Heather tried to be strong, Lucy knew that the disease was stronger. And Lucy didn't want her friends to watch Heather die.  
"WHAT?" She screamed aloud. Her breath picked up speed as she realized what she had just thought in her head. She shook her head, "No, no, Heather's not going to die. Heather will be happy again and finish college and be my sister again. We will stay up all night talking like we used to. We will talk about guys and gossip and all that stuff. She'll be my best friend again, she will! Heather will be well again..." there were tears in her eyes and soon, she let them flow. She cried a river and she felt as though she stayed there for hours. And maybe she had. She was falling. Falling deeper than she had ever fallen. But this time, her sister wasn't there to catch her or help her up. Her best friend, her sister, was sick, and she couldn't do anything. Could she? Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and it brought Lucy back to reality.  
"Lucy?" Kerry called.  
"What?" Lucy tried to keep her voice steady.  
"Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine!" she called.  
"Open the door, Lucy," Kerry told her, gently. Lucy stood up on shaking legs and for a minute, she doubted that they would support her, but she walked steadily to the door, unlocked it, and opened it a crack so she could look out with one red, puffy eye. She saw a small crowd outside the door; Mark, Peter, Kerry, and Carter were there. Lucy shut the door again. Kerry just knocked once more.  
"Lucy, come out, you've been in there a while and we would like to use that exam room."  
"No," Lucy said simply.  
"Lucy, come out, please," Carter urged.  
"No. I want to stay here. I want to die here."  
"Are you sure you want to lock yourself in an exam room and die?" Mark asked.  
"A cave would have been nicer," Lucy mumbled.  
"Lucy, I want to talk to you. Will you talk to me, Lucy?" Kerry tried again. There was a pause and then Lucy opened the door a bit again.  
"OK," she whispered.  
"Come out, Lucy, I'll talk to you."  
"With them?"  
"Alone, if that's more comfortable," Kerry told her. Lucy opened the door more. Her hair was a mess and her face was red and tearstained. Kerry reached out her hand and took Lucy's.  
"Come on," she urged and drew Lucy out of the exam room, leading her to the lounge. It was empty and Kerry closed the door. She sat Lucy on the couch.  
"Lucy, I know what's going on in your family right now. I know about your sister."  
"You do?"  
"Yes. Why don't you bring her here, to County?" everyone was saying that. Lucy knew why. Everyone was saying that because it was a good idea, the right thing to do. Then why was Lucy the only one who didn't want to do it? Lucy, the one who wanted Heather back the most?  
"I- I don't think-"  
"It's up to you, Lucy, but from what I hear, you aren't too satisfied with the way they are treating her illness over at Mercy?"  
"I can just get another doctor. It's no trouble."  
"I know this must be hard, Lucy, but if you could please refrain from locking yourself in exam rooms, I would be very much appreciative," Kerry gave her a warm smile which brought a small smile to Lucy's poor red face.  
"I won't," Lucy promised.  
"It can't be that bad, Lucy. I called Mercy, they thought she was doing fine," Lucy's eyes flared with anger and Kerry knew she had said something wrong. But before Lucy could say anything, her phone rang.  
"Lucy," she identified herself. There was a moment of silence as Lucy let out a worried sigh, "OK, Mom, I'm coming."  
  
TBC ASAP! 


	2. Show Me The Stars

Lucy rushed out of the lounge, throwing on her coat, and ran for the exit. Kerry positioned herself in the doorway, leaning against the frame and watching the young med. student rush to her sister's aid. Randi leaned in close to Haleh who giggled and Kerry's eyes narrowed. She knew it was another rumor about Lucy.  
Carter turned to Peter and muttered something seriously.  
"She's been really depressed," Carter whispered, "I would really like it if she told me why."  
"It's her business," Peter grunted, "She can deal with it," and he began to walk away.  
"Yeah," Carter sighed, "Her business."  
Haleh was still laughing.  
"May I ask what it is that you find so funny?" Elizabeth asked. Haleh stopped.  
"Nothing," Randi said, innocently.  
"Let me show you something," Elizabeth said, "Jerry?" Jerry nodded and closed his game of solitaire, opening up another file.  
"What are you showing us, Dr. Corday?" Chuny inquired.  
"Medical records for Mercy."  
"Why?" Lydia asked.  
"You'll see," Elizabeth said, eyes still on the computer. As Jerry scrolled down the page, Carter arrived, looking interested. When Jerry came to the Ks, he clicked on the name 'Knight, Heather' and brought up her file.  
"Nausea, abdominal pain, the works," Elizabeth told them.  
"So?"  
"I don't think you grasp what is going on, Randi," Carter said slowly, eyes on the screen, "I think that Heather Knight is Lucy's sister."  
  
After fighting with Dr. Carlyle again, Lucy re-entered the exam room where her pale sister was once again in the bed. Her mother was nursing her.  
"How are you feeling, honey?" Barbara asked, "Better?" Heather didn't say anything. She just closed her eyes and moaned, perspiration soaking her face. Barbara turned and saw Lucy standing in the doorway. The expression on Lucy's face made her heart break. Lucy was looking at her sister with such love and sorrow, eyes shining, on the brink of tears. Lucy was thrown back into a memory long forgotten.  
  
A small little girl cowered under the blankets in her room, hiding from the evil monster that had taken control of her father and was now verbally attacking their mother. Lucy always got very creative and imaginative whenever her parents fought. Whenever her mother did something wrong to make her father angry, she would always make up an elaborate tale of how little pixies came and messed up the house and no matter how her mother tried, she couldn't get it clean again because the pixies kept destroying it. So when her father came home, who was possessed by the evil troll, he went ballistic at the mess (trolls like things to be neat.)  
Four-year-old Lucy stuffed her head under her pillow. She could still hear her parents fighting. Then, her imagination gave her the idea that her little sister might be in trouble. Lucy ran to her mother's bedroom and saw the baby crying. Lucy picked up her sister and hugged her.  
"I'll protect you, Heather," she promised, holding the babe close, "Nothing will hurt you, not the pixies, not the troll, not the ghosts! You have to be brave, Heather," she soothed the child and dried her tears. She ran back into her room and hid under the covers with the infant. They hid there for what seemed like forever and Heather didn't make the tiniest noise. They were waiting and listening. Suddenly, there was a loud scream and the door slammed. There was silence after that. After a few moments, Barbara's sobs could be heard coming from the bottom of the stairs. The horrible sound leaked into Lucy's bedroom, under the covers, and into Lucy's tiny, sensitive ears. Lucy was crying silently herself into her sister's small head. But even then, Heather didn't cry. Even as an infant, Heather was afraid of nothing.  
  
"Daddy left..." Lucy muttered.  
"Excuse me dear?" Barbara said.  
"Nothing," Lucy answered, "Nothing at all," she looked at Heather, eighteen years older, in the present. Carlyle came back into the room.  
"Heather, I think you're ready to go home. You will feel better in your own bed."  
  
But Heather wasn't sent home to get better. She was sent home with a disease, disguised as the flue, only to get worse. Because the doctors didn't know what to do with her.  
"Mom," Lucy said, during dinner that night. Her mother was staying at her sister's place, taking care of her, and Lucy was eating there that night. Heather was in bed; Barbara would take some food into her later.  
"Yes, dear?" Barbara replied, pushing a fork full of mashed potatoes into her mouth.  
"I was thinking... About Heather."  
"What about Heather, dear?" Lucy noticed the fork her mother was holding began to shake slightly. Barbara was uncomfortable with the subject.  
"Well..." Lucy started, "I was thinking what could be wrong with her."  
"It's the flue dear," her mother answered. Lucy didn't know one person who believed that lie. She even thought Carlyle didn't believe it. And she knew her mother didn't.  
"We all know it isn't," Lucy said, steadily. Barbara sighed.  
"What do you think, dear?"  
"Well, it might be something rare. Or strange, you know? Or..." an idea struck Lucy, "Mother, when Heather was in the hospital, did they run any tests on her?"  
"Yes, a couple, dear, why?"  
"Did they test her for Lupus?"  
"I don't remember anyone saying that..." Barbara answered.  
"Mom, Carlyle doesn't know what it is. He doesn't know what to do with a sick teenager that was healthy two weeks ago! So he's sent her home!"  
"And you're saying you know what to do with her?" Barbara asked. Lucy was offended and was about to say, "Actually, I do," but faltered. The truth was, even she didn't know what to do with Heather. She was new at this and she wasn't sure what Heather could have. For the first time since Heather had been sick she looked at things from a different perspective. The last time she'd seen Carlyle, he had looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep. She realized that he didn't know what was wrong with her and because of that, sent her home. But every time she'd seen him, he had looked sleepier and sleepier and Lucy realized that he was probably trying to figure it all out.  
But then why isn't he running any tests? Lucy thought.  
"I..." Lucy stuttered. She sighed. She knew what had to be done, "In the morning, I want to take Heather to County."  
  
That night, Heather called for Lucy.  
"Could you stay with me?" Heather asked. She had never asked anything like this of her sister before. Before, it was always Lucy climbing into Heather's bed because she was scared of the bogeyman in her closet and it was Heather that would say 'You're such a baby!' But now, Heather wanted Lucy to stay with her.  
"Of course," Lucy nodded and crawled under the covers with her sister. She didn't care if Heather was sick or if whatever Heather had was contagious, Heather needed her there and Lucy was going to be there for her. Lucy held Heather close to her, slowly rocking and trying as hard as she could to ease the pain Heather felt. Heather would wince every now and then and a tear would fall down her cheek. But Heather wasn't the only one in pain. Worry and fear stabbed Lucy's heart worse than anything. She was fearful for her sister and she felt so small and helpless. She didn't know what to do. And all night, she stayed there, rocking and holding her sister with gentle care. All through the night.  
  
Lucy helped Heather, who barely seemed to know where she was, into an exam room and onto the bed. Carter entered and Lucy saw Dave outside, looking in. She thought she might have seen concern on his face.  
"Hello, Heather," Carter put on a smile, "Let's take a look at you."  
"Nausea, fever, abdominal pains, stiff joints, insomnia, and she won't eat. Dehydration, too," Lucy informed him. Carter looked concerned.  
"No diagnoses?"  
"They didn't run any tests," Lucy replied. Carter looked at Heather's chart and frowned.  
"Says here they did various tests," he told her and handed it to Lucy. It was true; Carlyle had run many tests on Heather but hadn't told Lucy. Why didn't he tell her?  
"They didn't one run for Lupus, try that!" Lucy suggested. Carter smiled at her.  
"I was just about to say the same thing," he told her. A compliment. Lucy hadn't received a compliment from him in a long time. Maybe it was his pity speaking.  
  
Lucy waited anxiously for the results of the test. Though it was relatively quick before they came back, it seemed like hours to her. As she paced up and down the hall, without seeing what she was doing, she ran head on into Dave.  
"Sorry," Dave muttered.  
"My bad," Lucy told him. They stood there and Lucy didn't know why there was so much tension there.  
"I-" Dave started, then stopped. He tried again, "I accidentally..."  
"What, Dave?" Lucy asked when he stopped again.  
"Well, I made a joke, see? About you and I really didn't mean for it to turn into anything big, but you know them," -nodding towards the nurses- "they talk! And... It turned into a rumor. I had no idea your sister was sick, really," Dave looked truly guilty. Lucy had never seen him like this. Not really wanting to know what rumor, she let it be.  
"It's OK, Dave," she smiled and before Dave could say anything to Lucy, Carter caught her. His face was grave.  
"Luce," he told her, "Heather is really sick."  
And Lucy knew what he meant.  
  
Lucy's head rested on Heather's chest. Heather stirred and Lucy sat up.  
"Heather, Honey?" she said. Heather opened her eyes and smiled weakly at Lucy.  
"Hey sis," she whispered, "What's happening?"  
"Heather, they're going to give you some fluids, OK? And just some steroids and vitamins, nothing to be worried about."  
"It's not the flue, is it?" the look in Heather's blue eyes broke Lucy's heart. It was a sad, desperate look. It was a fearful look, crying out for help. For the first time in all her life, Heather Knight was afraid.  
"No, Heather, it isn't," Lucy shook her head.  
"When can I go home?"  
"You've been admitted," Lucy told her, "Dehydration and kidney failure," Heather didn't do anything. She just nodded and smiled and finally said:  
"OK."  
  
Lucy spoke that night with Carlyle.  
"I'm sorry, Lucy," he told her.  
"For what? For lying to me and my mother? For running tests on my sister that we didn't know about? For not doing anything to help her?"  
"Actually, your mother knew I was running the tests," Carlyle told her. Lucy's mouth dropped.  
"So I was the only one in the dark about it? Unless you didn't tell my sister what you were doing to her!" Lucy was angry.  
"Calm down, Lucy! Look, for a while, I actually thought it was the flue. Then I began to doubt myself. The hospital didn't want me running any tests on the flue case, but I have a friend up in the lab and, with your mother and sister's consent, we ran the tests in secret."  
"How come I didn't know about this?"  
"Because we were afraid you might say something," Carlyle answered.  
"I can keep a secret!"  
"Maybe, but it was just a precaution."  
"But you couldn't find what was wrong with her."  
"No."  
"But you didn't run a Lupus test."  
"No." Carlyle shook his head. Lucy's watch beeped. She was on in ten minutes.  
"Duty calls," she told him and as she was walking away, she turned her head to the exhausted doctor, "I guess sometimes med. students can out think residents!"  
  
Lucy ran into the ambulance bay just as an ambulance was rolling in. She joined Jing-Mei Chen helping the burn victim but Jing-Mei looked at her, seriously.  
"No, Lucy," she told her, "Dave and I have this. You go inside, they need you there!" Confused, Lucy said nothing but continued into the hospital half-running down the hall. She found herself at the admit desk. Randi's face was pale.  
"Would someone tell me what's going on?" Lucy demanded. Randi opened her mouth to say something when Carter nearly ran Lucy over.  
"Lucy!" he cried, "The blood vessels in Heather's lungs have begun to burst. Her breathing has become more labored. We've found that Heather's liver and bone marrow has been affected as well. We're going to give her some more antibiotics and-"  
"Chemo," Lucy sighed, "I know the drill."   
"We're taking her up to the ICU tomorrow. Do you want to see her?" Lucy nodded and followed Carter upstairs to where her sister was.  
"Hey, Heather," Lucy smiled. Her sister seemed better than she had been ever since the whole thing started.  
"Hi, Lucy!" she sounded so energetic it was like Lucy's sister was back. Lucy sat next to her bed.  
"Call me if anything happens," Carter told her and left. Heather talked so much.  
"Tell me everything, Luce! We talk so little now! What with me and college and you and medical school... I don't even know who you're going out with!"  
"Well, I'm not going out with anyone..."  
"What about that Dr. Carter? He looked really cute!"  
"I guess he is..." Lucy decided, "But we can't go out."  
"Why not?" Heather seemed really interested. After talking about boyfriends and school and medicine, Lucy decided that maybe Heather should get some rest.  
"I don't want to rest!" Heather told her when Lucy voiced her opinion, "I want to talk and be with my sister, like old times! You're my best friend, Luce, and I love you!"  
"I love you, too, Heather," Lucy smiled wanly.  
"You know what, Lucy?" Heather said, "No matter what, you will always be my best friend. Nothing, I repeat, nothing can happen to change that. Even if I die before you or vice versa, I will always be your best friend."  
"Yeah, Heather," Lucy nodded, "Me too."  
"Always and forever." Heather started.  
"I'll be your friendly face." Lucy added.  
"I'll love you and we'll never,"  
"Ever part our ways!" Lucy and Heather laughed as they finished the small poem they remembered from grade school.  
"I could never be happy, without you, Lucy," Heather smiled.  
"Nor I without you," Lucy sighed, looked at her feet and was silent for a while.  
"What is it, Lucy?" Heather asked.  
"You always fought my fights for me," Lucy whispered.  
"You remember wrong."  
"No, I remember. You took the blame for the broken vase when I was the one who kicked over the table."  
"Mom grounded me for a week for that one," Heather smiled.  
"You were there when I rode my bike for the first time. When I fell over and broke my arm, you came running even before mom did."  
"You needed me, what can I say?"  
"You're three years younger than me and yet, I depended on you."  
"Best friends do that. You think I didn't depend on you?" Lucy looked up at her sister, slightly surprised.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Remember the fourth graders at school when I was in second grade? When they took my homework and threw it in the mud? You came and stood up to them. You even helped me redo my homework before school started. They never picked on me again."  
"Stupid boys. They should pick on someone their own size," Lucy grumbled, remembering.  
"And I remember what happened when I was five. When my rabbit died? You held me and comforted me. Also for Christmas that year, you got me another one."  
"Rabbits are cute and cute people need cute rabbits," Lucy shrugged.  
"You see, Lucy? We depend on each other!"  
"But you weren't afraid of anything."  
"Can I tell you a secret?" Heather asked. Lucy nodded and Heather motioned for her to come closer. When she was close enough, Heather whispered in her ear, "I was terrified." This shocked Lucy too.  
"What?"  
"My worst fear is that I might lose you or mom. And with that in mind, I never cared what happened to me. I didn't worry about the skeletons in my closet or the monster under my bed or the vampires at my window. But I was there when you did and I held you and protected you from them. And can I let you in on another secret?"  
"What?"  
"I'm terrified now," Heather told her, "Because now is when I realize that I am going to lose you, no matter how much I try to protect you. I'm a teenager trying to keep her older sister from the inevitable!"  
"What are you saying, Heather?" Lucy asked carefully. Heather just smiled mysteriously.  
"You don't get it. I can protect you, but what's protecting me? What's keeping me from harm? What if you lose me?"  
"Oh, Heather!" Lucy threw her arms around her sister, "I'm protecting you. I'm here for you. I'm going to keep you from harm! And I will definitely not lose you!" she looked Heather in the eyes who shook her head.  
"You still don't get it," she sighed, "But you will." And from there on, she moved to lighter, happier subjects.  
  
Lucy wasn't there when Heather's body began to crash. Carter had insisted on taking her out to a movie to get her mind off of her sister, even though Lucy wanted to stay with her. And in the theater, her phone was off. She couldn't keep it on. So maybe it was instinct, intuition, an unknown connection with Lucy and Heather, or just pure coincidence, but Lucy felt she should check her phone. And so she entered the lobby and seconds after she turned it on, it rang. Dr. Weaver's words were grave and serious and shattered Lucy's heart to smithereens.  
"Lucy, Heather started to crash a few minutes ago. Mark, and myself and even Romano tried hard to save her, but there were... complications. Lucy, your sister is gone." Gone. Such a final word. One syllable that can ruin your life. Gone. And Heather was gone. Gone forever.  
Lucy dropped her phone just as she had done the first day, but this time she didn't scramble to pick it up. She just stood there, gazing, her blue eyes wide, her mouth slightly open. But the thing that surprised her was, she didn't cry. She wasn't crying. Even though she loved her sister more than anything else in the world, she didn't shed one tear.  
She ran back into the theater and distracted a few people from the comedy they were watching. Some people threw popcorn at her as she pulled Carter up and blocked the scene. Even in the dark, Carter saw something was wrong. Something about the way she held his wrist so tightly; something about the largeness of her eyes; something about the way her breathing shook made him realize that something was definitely wrong.  
"Lucy, what's wrong?" he voiced. Lucy drew in one shuttering breath and with one word whispered the word that had repeated itself in her mind, plaguing her.  
"Gone," she said, "Heather's... Gone."  
Soon, booing also came in along with the popcorn throwing but Carter and Lucy ignored it as they ran out of the theater.  
  
"Hey, there's popcorn in your hair," Lucy ignored Randi's observation as she ran past the admit desk. Dr. Weaver stopped her, coming out of the morgue.  
"I don't think you want to go in there," she told her.  
"I want to see my sister!" Lucy screamed, angrily.  
"Lucy," Kerry whispered and shook her head. But Lucy pushed past the small redhead and walked into the room. Kerry and Carter limped in after her as she found her sister's body. She threw the sheet away from the face and stared. Her eyes were closed; closed forever like a book that would never again be read. Her great, big blue eyes so much like Lucy's own. Lucy could only imagine how fearful and painful they could have looked in her last moments. The disease had eaten her. Her short, light brown hair seemed darker against her pale complexion. Heather was indeed dead and this proved it. It was now that Lucy burst into tears. She didn't even need to think about it, or summon them, they just came. She fell to her knees and clasped Heather's limp hand close to her.  
"No!" she sobbed, "No..." Carter and Kerry looked at each other, neither one sure of what to do or how to comfort her. But Carter made the first move. He walked over to the sobbing heap and helped her up. Lucy still clutched her sister's hand as if her own life depended on it.  
"Lucy, let go of her hand," Carter told her, calmly. Lucy only clutched it tighter.  
"If I let go," she whispered, "I will be letting go of Heather. She will be letting go of me. We promised each other. I can't let go."  
"Lucy, you have to let go of her hand sometime," Carter told her. Lucy looked up into his eyes and shook her head.  
"You don't understand," she told him, "No, not at all." And with that, she ran out of the room, letting go of Heather's hand forever.  
  
Head in her hands, Lucy didn't bother to warm herself in the cold weather. Her sister was right, she understood now. Not even Lucy could protect Heather. No one could protect her from what was bound to happen someday. Heather had been dying and she had known it all along. All along. And deep inside, Lucy supposed she had known it, too. She heard the door open and close, but didn't care who it was. **But who will be there to protect me from the vampires at the window or the skeletons in the closet or the monsters under her bed? Who will be there to catch me when I fall? Who will be there to congratulate me and love me when I make a big accomplishment? **  
"I will," came a voice that surprised Lucy. She spun around and realized she had been asking those questions out loud.  
"Carter," she smiled, wanly, "What are you doing here?" as she finished, she sneezed.  
"I was afraid you'd catch pneumonia," he handed her a jacked but she refused.  
"If I do, I don't care," she told him.  
"Lucy," he looked at her seriously and put the coat around her shoulders. Putting one arm around her shoulders, he looked up at the stars and the sliver of the moon that shone. Lucy looked up with him and leaned her head on his shoulder.  
"She's up there, now," Lucy told him, "Heather's with the stars."  
"I'm sure she's happy."  
"You don't know that..." Lucy whispered, under her breath. 'I could never be happy without you,' her sister's words echoed in her head.  
"Nor I without you," she breathed, sadly.  
"Do you think it's very bright?" Carter asked, eyes still on the dark sky.  
"What?"  
"The moon. I mean, all it is is reflected sunlight but even as a sliver it seems to light up the night sky. At least, in my eyes."  
"I guess," Lucy shrugged. Hot tears stung her eyes and fell down her red cheeks again.  
"Heather... She wanted a telescope for her birthday once... What an astronomy freak, with her head in the stars..."  
"I'm really, sorry, Lucy, I mean that," Lucy looked into the pools of brown that were now facing her and saw the sincerity in them.  
"I know," she told him. She closed her eyes and tried to keep herself from crying even harder. But she couldn't. She burst into tears of anguish. Carter sighed and held her close.  
"I'm here for you, Luce," he told her, "Maybe not forever, that I can't promise you, and I think that's what you didn't realize with your sister. But I'm here for you now and that's what counts," Lucy looked up at him and smiled wanly.  
"You're a great friend, John," she whispered, "Really."  
"She called me John," Carter whispered, "She never calls me that."  
They stood there for a time, Lucy falling to pieces in Carter's waiting arms.  
"I need someone to keep me safe from the skeletons in the closet," Lucy cried.  
"I'm here for you, Luce," Carter promised her, "I'm here for you.  
  
"Lucy, come out of there!" she had done it again. Kerry was knocking on the door of exam four, trying to get Lucy to come out. There was silence on Lucy's end.  
"Lucy, please!" Kerry begged, "You promised you wouldn't do this again!"  
"Lucy, you know we need to use that exam room!" Mark rolled his eyes. He felt Lucy's pain and tried hard to be sympathetic. But sometimes, the way Lucy lashed out at anyone who tried to help, and the way she would lock herself in a room for hours, left Mark a little jaded and annoyed. Lucy would snap at anyone trying to comfort her-  
"Lucy's trapped herself in again?"- Except for that man. The man that just happened to be passing by.  
"Carter, could you make her come out?" Kerry asked. Carter knocked softly on the door.  
"No skeletons out here, Luce," this sentence made Kerry look at him strangely and he added to her, "It's a long story." But still, there was no answer from Lucy.  
"Lucy, please come out!" Mark tried again, exasperated.  
"Lucy, you know you can't stay in there forever," Carter had remarkable patience with this girl and Mark knew it. Everyone knew it. Finally, Lucy answered.  
"Of course I can!"  
"You know you can't. The moon's out tonight. The stars are beautiful. Didn't your sister used to drag you out on nights like this just to look at the stars?" again, there was silence. Silence as Lucy remembered.  
  
"Come on, Lucy!"  
"It's too late, Heather!"  
"No, it's like morning for the stars!" a young girl tugged at her sister's arm, "You universe never sleeps!"  
"I'm in my nightdress, Heather!" the blond one was groggy and half-asleep.  
"It's not like anyone's going to see you!" Heather rolled her eyes, "Come on, open your eyes," Heather pulled Lucy onto the dewy grass. Lucy felt the green damp blades between her toes, "Here, lye down." Lucy gratefully did so. She closed her eyes again.  
"Ah, sleep!" she breathed.  
"You're not laying down to sleep, Lucy, you silly goose!" Heather giggled and fell down onto the grass next to her sister, "Come on, Luce, open your eyes. You'll see something wonderful."  
"Oh, alright!" Lucy sighed, "If it's for you!" she opened her eyes and gasped. The night sky really was beautiful when you actually looked at it. So many sparkling stars like scattered streetlights. The sky was like a sheet of black velvet and the moon was like a bright gem stone.  
"Look!" Heather pointed, "There's a shooting star! Make a wish!"  
"I wish that we stay best friends forever!" Lucy smiled.  
"Me too!"  
  
"Lucy?" Carter called. The door opened.  
"Show me the stars."  
And so, the two found themselves up there on the roof again and Lucy found herself staring at the exact same sky she had stared at with her sister. The same velvet sky, the same scattered street lamps, the same precious stone all up there. As they stood there for a while, Lucy saw a shooting star.  
"Make a wish," she told Carter.  
"I wish that you start getting on with your life again, Luce," Carter smiled, "And be happy again," there was a brief moment of silence. Then Lucy replied:  
"I guess that's a reasonable wish."  
  
The End  



End file.
